Numb

Dad saw the oncologist this morning. I still do not know the full details of everything that was said (Mom gave it to me in a nutshell), so I will post more if there is more to add. The long and short of it is this: it is very much as I feared. The doctor said that barring an intervention from the Lord, this form of cancer is always terminal. Dad will have his first chemo treatment on Tuesday, followed by a second treatment 22 days later. The chemo is a "quality of life" issue, rather than an attempt at a cure, from what I understand. It helps in approximately 30% of cases. Those odds aren't encouraging, but it is what it is. There was good news to be had, and that is that Dad's liver is apparently functioning very well right now, despite the malignant lesions on it.

Mom and Dad did ask Dr. Johnson (the oncologist) about the worst-case scenario. He said that we may be looking at six to twelve months. In a way, that is actually a little bit of a relief, because Dad has been feeling SO badly lately that we were afraid they'd go in and the doctor would say he had only weeks left. Still, six to twelve months is still an incredibly short period of time. I am very much in shock and quite numb at this point. I feel emotionally drained and all I really want to do is crawl in bed for awhile. I am worried about Dad, about Mom, and about Emma and Dan. Kate and Luke are too young to know anything (that in itself is both sad and a blessing), but the time will come when Laura and I will have to explain this to Emma and Dan and I truly can't even fathom how I will do that. I don't want Dad to suffer, and I don't want to watch him go through chemo and lose his hair. I don't want to watch him waste away and turn yellow.

In short, I was never naive enough to think that my father would live forever, but I always thought I would have more time than this. Your prayers are still appreciated. Please pray for comfort for Dad, for wisdom for his doctor, and for peace and wisdom for Laura and me as we try to explain this to our kids. I worry about my other siblings' kids as well, but they are mostly older and more able to understand, and of course, since they all live far away, they only see Dad once or twice a year. I don't know if that matters, since I've never dealt with this kind of thing before, but I can't imagine that their attachment to him would be as strong as if they saw him practically every day, as Emma and Dan do.

Dad is hoping to feel well enough after chemo to take a trip (presumably to Louisiana). I don't know when that will be, but I am hoping to be able to go, too. Every moment is now precious.

Please continue to pray, and I will update more when I can.