A minor rant

This seems like an odd post to follow up one about praise and thanksgiving, but I really need to go on a small rant for a moment. During my planning period this morning, I was in the copy room, and I was telling Earl Rowan about Dad. Earl Rowan is something of a lion here at Bradley. He is the color announcer for the football team, he has been teaching history here for decades, and he is just so full of life and energy. He also reminds me a lot of my dad. He is tall and thin and has a moustache, although he and Dad don't really look alike otherwise. But he is also the exact same age as Dad.

So Iwas standing there telling him all about Dad's diagnosis and prognosis, and he finished his copies and left. At this point (as I was still working on my copies), another teacher (who had overheard the entire conversation) stepped forward and essentially informed me that if Dad would just get the acid levels in his body corrected, that his cancer would be cured.

WHAT?!?

Are you serious? So it turns out that she's a big proponent of alternative medicine. I tried to be polite, and I smiled at her and said, "Well...I'm a biologist, and I really don't think there's anything to that. If there were, I think the world would have caught on and oncologists would be doing that instead of chemotherapy, since it's so brutal." Her response? "Cancer is a multibillion dollar industry. I don't think they want you to know about it."

Wow. So apparently, my father's oncologist (and the thousands of other oncologists around the nation) are all evil, money-hungry men and women who would rather see their patients die of this horrible disease than simply give them some alkaline water (which can be bought at health food stores, by the way!!!). Hmm. Who knew?

I mean, really. Was that appropriate? Am I just going off the deep end or what? It really kind of irritated me.

Praise and Thanksgiving

Daniel 2:23 I thank and praise you, O God of my fathers: You have given me wisdom and power, you have made known to me what we asked of you, you have made known to us the dream of the king.

1st Thessalonians 5:16-18 Rejoice always, pray without ceasing, give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus.





For the last few weeks, my family has been under a tremendous strain. Most of you know all that we have been going through (more on that in a moment). At many times, we have had to laugh (because it's either laugh or cry, so we choose to laugh) and mention Job's name. My mom especially has definitely felt like Job at times.



It occurred to me today that as I have shared our lives in this blog and my other one dedicated solely to Dad, I have only mentioned everything that has gone wrong in the last month or so. However, in the midst of all of this, there are also many things that have gone right, from the truly significant to the mundane. So in the spirit of thanksgiving from the above Bible verses, I thought I would review these things so that I don't give the impression that I am not aware of how deeply blessed my family is. I'll go ahead and recap all the bad things, and then mention the good things.



The BAD stuff:

• My dad has cancer. Terminal cancer. We found out November 25.


• My grandmother (who lives with my parents) entered the hospital New Year's Eve and is still there. We have stayed at her bedside nearly 'round the clock, as there is only a miniscule chance that she will ever recover.


• My mom had to put her beloved cat to sleep over the holidays after it was discovered that the cat has feline AIDS.


• During the recent flooding, my parents' basement flooded and all of the carpet had to be ripped out, as well as the padding.


• Laura and Eric have mono, and he is trying to teach and take care of their kids while Laura is at the hospital with our grandmother, and Laura is trying to take care of her kids, as well as Jack, the little boy she keeps, when she isn't sitting at our grandmother's bedside.


• I am juggling my job, two kids, and trying to help Mom with both Dad and my grandmother.


• I have a frozen water pipe in my house and it remains to be seen whether it will burst.


• Oh, yeah...my mom had to call Hospice twice in one day for two different patients--Dad and her mother.

Ok, that's a lot of bad stuff. I mean, it's a LOT of bad stuff. My poor mom is a walking zombie as she juggles all this.

But so much good has come from this. God tells us that we are to praise Him in all things, in spite of all things, and because of all things. So let's review the good.

The GOOD stuff:

• My parents have insurance.


• The nurses taking care of my grandmother are fabulous and amazing.


• One of the nurses taking care of my grandmother goes to church with my sister, and has been praying for my grandmother because of the prayer list, not even realizing she had her as a patient! How amazing! And what a blessing this nurse is.


• We have all learned what amazing, incredible, inspiring friends we have. When my parents' basement flooded, six of their friends gave up a Saturday to come rip the carpet out--AFTER four total strangers (men from Laura's church) showed up to wet-vac the water up and move furniture out of the way. Food is delivered to Mom and Dad's house on a regular basis. My parents' neighbors, Tim and Sherry--they cook, they do things around the house, they look for various medicines to ease some of Dad's symptoms--the long and short of it is that no one ever deserved friends or neighbors as amazing as they are, and it is so humbling to see how much they love Dad and our family. Laura has people from her church crawling out of the woodwork to watch her children so she can go to the hospital to relieve Mom, since Eric is smack in the middle of wrestling season and often can't be there to watch the kids.


• Laura and I have amazing, wonderful, incredible, understanding husbands. I have barely seen my kids in a week, and Mark has taken over everything without complaint. He picks them up, feeds them, plays with them, and puts them to bed. I know he wonders if he still has a wife, but I haven't heard a single complaint. Eric is the same. He is Mr. Mom to Emma and Luke.


• My grandmother ate a container of applesauce after taking no food whatsoever for an entire week.


• Mom has friends who have been coming to the hospital to sit with my grandmother to relieve her. These are wonderful women (Evelyn, Joyce, and my mother-in-law, Charlotte) who have given of their own time to help my mom out.


• My father is a Christian. This probably should have been the number one thing on my list, actually. We have no fear of losing him (other than our own selfishness) because we know he will be fine. He'll be up there giving God pointers on pulling catfish out of the river (I'm kidding, of course, but still...).


• My husband and I both still have jobs in this yucky economy. With everything that has happened, I can still be thankful for things like this. Gas prices have gone down, along with prices on many other goods, so things could be MUCH worse in the financial department.


• I have a warm house and plenty of clothing to put on in these frigid temperatures.


• My husband and I have cars that run and can get us where we need to go.


• Our children are healthy and happy.


• We have plenty to eat.


• Mark's parents are healthy and able to help with the grandkids.


• I found cute boots for Kate at Target for 75% off (I told you I was thankful for the mundane, too!). :)

• And finally, I am thankful that we are able to find humor in all of this (at times), and that no one has had a nervous breakdown as of yet. God seems to be providing the strength that we need to get through this, one day at a time.

We do still covet your prayers. God provides us with strength, yes, but still, this is not easy. But I did want to take a moment to express that I do have a thankful spirit through all of this. God is good.

My awesomeness can not be denied.

I went shopping yesterday and scored an 89-dollar pair of Michael Kors jeans at TJ Maxx for 40 bucks. Bonus! They are comfy and stretchy and look decent, which is saying a lot for me these days. So I pull the tags off this morning, put 'em on, and head out the door to get acquainted with my new students for the semester.

I'm up in front of class, yakking with them, in second period (I have first period planning), and suddenly, wayyyy in the back row, I see this hand go up. I call on the chick, and she says, "There's a sticker on your leg." So I look down, and yep. There it is. The big long clear sticker with the size on it is still on the jeans. Oh, yeah, baby--I was broadcasting my size tens to the world! Yeah! You know you're jealous of my awesomeness.

It could have been worse, though. When I was a junior in high school, back when CHS had a six-period school day, I had physical science 6th period. I walked in one day and Mr. Hixson had one of those size stickers on his pants. He had made it all day without being told.

Sure, I was a little embarrassed, but I had to laugh. And I thanked the girl that told me, too. I would have felt REALLY stupid if I'd discovered it way later and realized it had been there all day. I love my job, but there are drawbacks to having a career in which you stand in front of people all day--especially when the people in question are super-critical teens!

Happy Freakin' New Year!

Well, howdy! It's been nearly a month since I've updated this blog (been plenty busy on my blog about Dad's cancer, though...), so I figured it was high-time to do so. Honestly, the period right before Christmas was an ugly one for me, so I really didn't have the emotional energy to keep things up-to-date.

I am glad that Christmas is over, honestly. And it's a huge deal for me to say that, since I am a major Christmas freak. It is hands-down my favorite holiday and I love everything about it. I love the parties, I love the chaos, I love the food, I love the music, I love listening to the Christmas story being read straight from the Bible, and I love shopping for gifts for my loved ones--hey, I even love shopping on Black Friday and Christmas Eve (although that's not really saying anything because I'm a certified, card-carrying shopaholic). But this year...I just couldn't get going. And this year should have been a very exciting Christmas for me because Dan turned three this fall and thus was very much aware of the holiday. He had a good time last Christmas and had fun opening gifts, but this Christmas, he was very aware of all the hoopla surrounding the holiday. Still, though, I couldn't muster up much enthusiasm. Why, you ask?

Because there was the terrible "this is probably our last Christmas with Dad" aura hanging over the entire thing. And with that came the pressure of making everything perfect and special and meaningful, and...you know what? It can't be done. It is not humanly possible to infuse that much meaning into something like that under that kind of pressure. Those moments that we cherish and look back on fondly happen spontaneously--they're not planned like some kind of school play. And I knew that. And--if we're really being honest here--I just didn't want to deal with everything. I've never been the ostrich type before, but I sure do seem to be burying my head in the sand to an extent. That's not to say that I'm ignoring my parents or anything like that--certainly not. I'm helping where I can, going to visit, updating my blog for friends and family, etc... But emotionally, I'm just doing my best not to deal with it.

Christmas was good, though. All of my siblings came up--Danny, Stef, and Bridget arrived Christmas Eve and stayed with us, which was SUPER fun, as always, and Tina and Tonia arrived on the 26th. It was total chaos at times, but it always makes my heart happy to get to spend time with my sibs. With five of us living in three different cities in three different states, and with all of us having children (except Danny, whose kids are grown and gone), it is exceedingly difficult to coordinate a situation in which all five of us can get together. It is always a happy, fun time when we can succeed. We managed it two Christmases ago, and it was the Best. Christmas. EVER. That will be the one I look back on and say, "Wow. Now that's what it's all about."

So...I have rambled on for awhile now, but I really had to get all of that out. The holidays are past, and the pressure is off. The new year is upon us, and I wish each of you a happy, healthy, blessed new year. May this year be the best ever.

New blog

Instead of interspersing updates on Dad in here with all my random rumblings, I decided to just create a new blog for the sole purpose of keeping friends and family up to date on Dad's progress. The address for that blog is www.doug-williams.blogspot.com. Please check for updates, progress, and new prayer requests.

Thanks.

Numb

Dad saw the oncologist this morning. I still do not know the full details of everything that was said (Mom gave it to me in a nutshell), so I will post more if there is more to add. The long and short of it is this: it is very much as I feared. The doctor said that barring an intervention from the Lord, this form of cancer is always terminal. Dad will have his first chemo treatment on Tuesday, followed by a second treatment 22 days later. The chemo is a "quality of life" issue, rather than an attempt at a cure, from what I understand. It helps in approximately 30% of cases. Those odds aren't encouraging, but it is what it is. There was good news to be had, and that is that Dad's liver is apparently functioning very well right now, despite the malignant lesions on it.

Mom and Dad did ask Dr. Johnson (the oncologist) about the worst-case scenario. He said that we may be looking at six to twelve months. In a way, that is actually a little bit of a relief, because Dad has been feeling SO badly lately that we were afraid they'd go in and the doctor would say he had only weeks left. Still, six to twelve months is still an incredibly short period of time. I am very much in shock and quite numb at this point. I feel emotionally drained and all I really want to do is crawl in bed for awhile. I am worried about Dad, about Mom, and about Emma and Dan. Kate and Luke are too young to know anything (that in itself is both sad and a blessing), but the time will come when Laura and I will have to explain this to Emma and Dan and I truly can't even fathom how I will do that. I don't want Dad to suffer, and I don't want to watch him go through chemo and lose his hair. I don't want to watch him waste away and turn yellow.

In short, I was never naive enough to think that my father would live forever, but I always thought I would have more time than this. Your prayers are still appreciated. Please pray for comfort for Dad, for wisdom for his doctor, and for peace and wisdom for Laura and me as we try to explain this to our kids. I worry about my other siblings' kids as well, but they are mostly older and more able to understand, and of course, since they all live far away, they only see Dad once or twice a year. I don't know if that matters, since I've never dealt with this kind of thing before, but I can't imagine that their attachment to him would be as strong as if they saw him practically every day, as Emma and Dan do.

Dad is hoping to feel well enough after chemo to take a trip (presumably to Louisiana). I don't know when that will be, but I am hoping to be able to go, too. Every moment is now precious.

Please continue to pray, and I will update more when I can.

Oncologist appointment update

This isn't a major update, but I do want to let you all know that Dad's appointment with the oncologist has been moved up to this coming Friday morning. This is all in thanks to Dad's urologist, who looked at the biopsy report and said he'd make some calls. I am relieved, because no matter the news, I would rather just know than take part in this ridiculous waiting game again.

Last night was another tough night because Wayne Billingsley finally lost his decade-plus-long battle with cancer. He was such a fighter. He was told just after last Christmas that it was time to call in Hospice, but he was so strong--he rallied again and again. He was out and about doing things and seeing friends, and that was so encouraging. He had taken a serious turn for the worse in the past month, though, and I am glad he doesn't have to suffer anymore. It was so hard to see him like that, and I know it was so emotionally draining for Peggy, Nikki, and Chad. Now he is at peace, and maybe his family can be, too, now that he is not just lingering here in a pain-riddled shell. It is so difficult, though, to have a close family friend die of cancer when you've just had your own father diagnosed with the disease.

It has been a long time since I really got on my knees before God, but I did that last night after receiving the news about Wayne. I praised God for His timing, for taking Wayne now and ending his suffering, I praised Him that Wayne is home getting an amazing Homecoming with his now perfect and cancer-free body, and I prayed earnestly for Peggy, Nikki, and Chad in their time of mourning, and of course, I prayed for my own father and his doctors, and that I will not have to see him suffer in the same way.

It seems that cancer dominates my every thought in the past week or so, even down to having dreams about receiving chemotherapy and waking up nauseated. I am so blessed that I have not had to deal with things like this before, but it is challenging having to face the idea of my parents and their friends growing older and passing.

That is all for now. I will update again after Dad sees Dr. Johnson.